I’ve always believed the energy within you is the energy you project, therefore you get. During my life, I have mostly been a positive person. I’ve always met positive people and engaged in positive events until that dreadful day. I became consumed with sadness and anger. I no longer believed in the goodness of people. I no longer wanted to be around people. Even though I am a human being, I became afraid of people in social setting. I began to isolate to the point of hibernating in my room. My children became my view of the outside world. I knew I had to work so, I went to work and drove straight home while my eyes were glued to the rearview mirror making sure I was not followed. I was a mess. I did this for 30 years until I recently fell apart after losing a job. I no longer wanted to have the life I was living, so, I thought about suicide. I knew it was against my Christian beliefs, but I felt no one would miss me. I had only contributed sadness.
My daughter decided to move to another state. She asked me to come with her and her children. I decided a change could not hurt me. Florida. It seemed nice enough. Nobody knows me here. I went to a mental health facility. I sought out a Psychiatrist who suggested therapy. He started out slow and here today, I am working through the CPT program. It’s very effective in helping me to figure out automatic thoughts and how they relate to the incident and my core beliefs about myself. Slowly and deliberately I am changing my thoughts of myself and people.