Do You See Me?

I haven’t been feeling well the last couple of days. I have been suffering with Vertigo since June. I thought it was under control by the medication that was prescribed for me. Sunday, I got into bed and the room started spinning. I had been doing the exercises, but I stopped. You know why, so no need to explain. Other than that, I continue to make strides with the CPT therapy for trauma. Right now, I’m at the point where I’m recognizing my stuck points, replacing them with positive thoughts and connecting them with the assault. I have to tell you, it’s not easy. It’s scary and it makes me anxious. I hate that part too. I haven’t had a panic attack in awhile and I don’t want to have one now.

Family and friends seem to think that nothing could happen in my life that would cause me mental anguish. They only see me from the outside. They don’t see past my eyes and into my soul. Trauma is a difficult thing for anyone to get over. It can cause hidden wounds to surface. That’s what happened to me. I would have to say, I am a great pretender. I lived all of my life being De’ to the world and De’Iris when I was home. It got so bad that I couldn’t keep them separated anymore. De’Iris began to surface more often than I wanted. It started in 2014 when I had to leave a great job.

I went to therapy, but it wasn’t working. I quit going. I started 2 jobs and got fired from them. I’ve never been fired from any job since high school. I began to have panic attacks. I thought someone was following me as I drove and that my supervisor was secretly out to get me. This went on for 3 years. I finally found another job towards the end of 2016. With the insurance, I was able to see a Psychiatrist who prescribed more meds. I took them and to me I seemed ok. The doctor said nothing different. My daughter decided to move from Georgia to Florida. She asked if I wanted to move. I said yes and in 2017 I started seeing another doctor and therapist. It is through this therapist that I started receiving trauma therapy.

This particular therapist has really seen me. He knew what type of therapy would help me. He knew what I was talking about when I said that I operated with 2 identities. He knew what would help me discover the root cause to the trauma in my life, and for that I am grateful.

Until next time,

Just because someone looks healthy doesn’t mean they are.

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