For me starting new things can be somewhat difficult. You see there have been some hard times in my life, and when I try to start a new chapter, all I do is get stuck in the past. Remembering what he did, feeling sad about what she said and anxious about what will happen if I let things go and move on to a new and empty sheet of paper.
I’m not one to share my feelings or my life with people. For one, I’m afraid of people socially. It doesn’t matter if the group is large or small, people are scary. Or at least that’s been my life experience. At one time, I was able to handle that fear. I hid it well. I trained new employees, hosted family dinners for the holidays, and met my previous husband’s family and friends.
Here comes the but. I soon began to have panic attacks to the point of not wanting to leave my home. I became more depressed. Like I said before, I had seen numerous Psychiatrist and therapist to no avail. It was in late 2016 when I met my current therapist and began C-PTSD therapy.
At first, I didn’t like it. It was hard (like I said before) but, my therapist reassured me of the effectiveness of the program. As I work on the program, I can see changes in my thinking. Along with my faith in God, I am able to focus on positive things.
While it hurts to have those negative things in my life resurface, it is a chapter, however long, I will make it through. I may have to stop writing or reading it for a while, but I will complete it.
I found through therapy how I have deeply suppressed some of these thoughts underneath thoughts of the trauma. Those have to be dealt with also. Maybe, that’s the next chapter. Do I go backward? No, I keep writing and editing until I complete that chapter.
Until next time,
Keep writing until that chapter is complete. By no means do you return to page 1.