I had a bad day yesterday. I just wanted to stop. Stop everything. Stop living the same old life of trying to get rid of these thoughts. Stop therapy. Stop.
I’ve been doing this for awhile now and sometimes things can be a bit overbearing. I mean, trying to get my life together. I actually thought the trauma that happened in my life when I was around 30 was the beginning of my trauma. I found through this CPT therapy, it began earlier in my childhood.
My father left when I was around 3 or 4. My mother married again when I was about 7 or 8. My stepfather is a very hard man. He made it very clear to my sisters and I not to call him any of the derivatives that led to father. Both of those rejections hurt me bad. They would later have a significant bearing on the men I chose in my life.
My life has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs in the relationship department. Not just with men,but with others in my life. Since before the trauma, I kept my distance with people. I made sure I did not have many friends. The less I had, less painful experiences.
Yesterday, because of the season, I felt kind of depressed. I didn’t want to leave my safe place. I felt myself slowly reverting back to that dark gloomy place I am familiar with. I was just about to resign when I heard a voice telling me, “Don’t you give up yet!” I snapped back to attention and went to my motivational quotes. I found this one below and it says it all.
Until next time,
Change doesn’t happen overnight. Depending on what you’re going through, it may not happen today, tomorrow, or even next year, but it will happen if you don’t give up.