I’ve always been a very optimistic person. There are no bad people born; they are taught by behaviors seen and introduced to them as the grow. So, when I was kidnapped and raped by my then estranged husband, I couldn’t see that he had purposely done this bad thing to me. I had a very hard time processing the whole incident. Soon, the sky became dark and cloudy showered with rain drops. What good days?
From that day on, seemed like I continued to have the worst days of my life. I was consumed with trying to figure out why he would hurt me, why he would try and kill me? Surely no illegal drug would cause him to think that I would stay with him in that state? Surely no illegal drug would tell him it was o.k. to try and sell our youngest child for that next high? From cloudy and dark days I went straight to midnight.
It was during my darkest night I forgot about him. I started focusing on what I may have done to cause this pain, hurt, abuse of love and kindness to fall upon me. My mind, my heart, my soul began to loose sight of who I was before this terrible thing happened to me. I began to write across my sky, “GUILTY! MY FAULT!”
I no longer saw sunlight. I began to feel as if I did not exist. If I did not exist, then I was not alive in my body. I had reached the lowest point. I tried something that was against my moral code, my Christian beliefs. I tried suicide. I couldn’t get that right, thank God! I wouldn’t be here to tell you how I am progressing.
Something happened! I reached up out of the darkness and found a hand. As I held on, they pulled. I began to see glimpses of light. The more I saw, the more I tugged on the hand to pull. Looking around, there was no more darkness. Day. Sunshine. Bright sky. I saw 1 good day. With the help of my children, Psychiatrist, and therapist I am focusing on creating more good days. They are adding up! Yay! I am taking 1 step at a time! I’m coming out of the fog! I am learning the difference between victim and victor!
I’m still that optimistic person! I don’t let bad days become a part of my success. I listen for what that day may try and tell me. I make it a focal point for becoming a good day!
Until next time,
bad good days?