I used to think that I could instantly overcome anything. To the world, I was this strong leader. Able to withstand any kind of pain. Not to worry, I could help you solve the hardest problem without blinking an eye. If I was scorned, mocked, or troubled by another, you’d never see me cry. When told to retaliate, I would smile and walk away.
In reality, within I was broken, ashamed, and humiliated by the things that took place in my life. I felt I had no control over my circumstances. I began to breakdown showing signs of a weakened exterior. I needed help to learn how to heal myself.
I sought out God to lead me to someone to help me with the problems I had within and the cracks that slowly leaked out the pain I was in.
Pain. When we normally think of that word, we think of guns, knives, or a punch to the gut. No one ever talks about the lingering mental effects it can have on a person.
It doesn’t matter how strong you are physically. If you have checked out mentally, your entire system shuts down. When that happens, you no longer wish to survive. This type of pain can live within your walls for a lifetime. No matter how much you try to avoid dealing with yourself, at some point in your life you will have to.
It takes time to rebuild that exterior. You may be able to plug it up for awhile, but soon that crack will lead to another and you’ll find that you need something stronger to seal it.
That’s what happened to me. I had layers of pain I had not dealt with in years starting to surface. I used the resources I had and start working with my therapist on a C-PTSD program. This program is helping me to peel back the layers and work on each problem separately.
I know I can’t instantly heal. What I do know is that I can rebuild a better equipped me. I know I can take as long as I wish. Healing has no time stamp.
Until next time,
Relax, this may take a moment.