I have been told by many people, professionally and otherwise, I am a perfectionist. “You have a type A personality.” “You just have to be right; don’t you?” “Why are you in competition with yourself?” There are many more things that have been said. You already know them, because you’ve told them, or had them said to or about you.
I am learning to take it easy on myself. It’s hard, but I’m working just as hard to overcome perfectionism. I was taught this as a young girl. My mother did not tolerate failure or any sign of weakness. I learned early never to cry. Even when I got physically disciplined, I never shed a tear. I took my punishment seriously. I would always go to my room and sit and try to figure out how to improve myself and never to make that mistake again. To this day, constructive criticism doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is the fact that I did something wrong in the first place and now I have to be told to correct it. It’s never the criticism with me; it’s what the person thinks of me for the mistake forward.
I know what you must be thinking, but I’m giving you a glimpse into my thinking. This in part leads to my anxieties about how I will engage with others socially. If you are like me, you need to take better care of yourself. One of the ways I’m caring for myself is by seeing a C-PTSD therapist. You would be happy to know; I am making progress.
Until next time,
You and I don’t always have to be right.