There have been days when I wanted to give up and just lay down and sleep forever. I’ve been told that sleeping, among other things, is a sign of depression.
I have various mental and written tools I learned in therapy. I know by now, if I don’t use them, I could possibly take steps backwards. That, I don’t want to experience.
In therapy, I was taught to evaluate pain or distractions. Find the source. It will almost always be emotional or subconsciously blocked. I’ve never liked confronting anything or anybody for that matter, but I have to face my fears and address the hidden source of why I was sleeping longer than needed.
In late June, I had been diagnosed with Osteoarthritis in both knees, type 2 diabetes and neuropathy. To top that, I have a long-standing case of vertigo for which I have no answer. I knew I hadn’t paid much attention to my health after the event. I just sort of “let myself go”.
Before my 30’s I was very health conscious. I ate healthy, exercised regularly and made sure my children did the same. After the assault and kidnapping, I didn’t want to have contact with the world. I just withdrew into my room. Soon, my body took action against me in my 40’s and up to my present age. I began having trouble with my knees(due to the type of work I performed). I had to stop working and now live with my oldest child.
I began to realize the guilt from not properly caring for myself, was the source of this current bout with depression and anxiety.
I took a hard look at what I had done to cause my body to react this way. I decided to take better care of myself mentally and physically. I took ownership and acknowledged what I have done to myself.
I decided to take 1 day at a time until I can come up with a plan. Until then, I won’t stop the healing process I’ve started.
Until next time,
Never let past actions stop you from your current path of healing.
That was it! That was the source of my current depression.