About Yesterday

Vertigo. Feeling off balanced everyday can be quite stressful.  This has been happening since October 18th. Usually, the sensation leaves within a few days. Not this time. I’ve scheduled an appt with an ENT doctor. The appointment isn’t until March!

Next,  Fibromyalga or chronic pain.  I really should say it’s the neuropathy. As I type this, my fingers are numb. I could choose depression, but I don’t have time for that. 

I hate being disabled in certain parts of my physical life.  I can’t let it control my daily outcomes. I really would like to walk and clear my thoughts. At this time I have arthritis in my feet. Painful. I take it day by day. I don’t let anxiety or depression set into my thoughts or feelings.

Think of being thankful

I always start my day with a prayer. There are so many reasons to be thankful. Most people do not know the meaning of thankful. Most people feel they have nothing to be thankful for. Let me give you a few of my thankful reasons.

I see many homeless people daily. Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter. They walk in and out of traffic with signs of who they are and what they need. Most of the time it’s money for food or shelter. Sleep is spent on the sidewalks, bus stop benches, and in the parks. Some are seen pushing grocery store carts with their belongings. Some have taken possession of empty buildings and lots. I’ve even seen them making their homes under bridges. Sometimes I even see them with man’s best friend. Committed to staying loyal to the end.

Thankful. Today I am thankful for shelter from the elements. I am thankful for food, clothing and the warmth of a soft bed. I am thankful that I don’t have to think about where I will live or what will happen to me at night. I’m thankful that my pets live in the safety of my home. I’m thankful I don’t have to look for food for them.

It troubles me how the world thinks this is o.k. How our nation frowns upon misfortune. How can I truly feel thankful when other humans are suffering?

The Case

I’m watching the McMichael case that happened in my hometown of Brunswick,Georgia. At this moment I am watching the trial on Court TV, The Killing of Amhaud Arbery. Travis(the son), is testifying as to why he felt it necessary to follow, get out of his truck and shoot Arbery due to a suspicion of theft.

I am tired 😫 of violence 😪 against any person. Excuse me, I’m having a C-PTSD moment.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow

Yesterday was a good day for me. I overcame most of the anxiety I had about life, my mother, my children, and myself. To get away from the racing thoughts, I’ve always kept busy. You know, doing things in the home. At some point, it stops working.

I found that journaling my thoughts helps to calm my mind to the point of actually thinking one thought at a time. When I do that, I’m able to process and solve whatever I was anxious about.

Yesterday, I was so focused on the 2 separate mass killings. I wasn’t able to get anything done. So, I turned to what calms me. I like to shop online instead of going into a store. It helps me to deal with the social anxiety I have.

Another soothing things for me is window shopping. I do this online by looking at all the items I want and saving them to my account. When I feel calm, I go back to my thoughts and process them. It’s a great way to bring my emotions down to a level I can function at. It usually takes me about 30 minutes.

Today, right now, I’m just not feeling like doing anything. So instead of getting anxious, I’m going to rest until I feel like getting up. I’m not focusing on tomorrow because it’s too far away. I’ve been told to take PTSD one day at a time because you don’t know what’s going to trigger you. Don’t expect negative things, instead look and produce your own positivity. After all, it’s your life and your journey.

Until next time,

Every day is different. Don’t expect yesterday’s results to work for today’s and today’s to work for tomorrow.